New Town Diner

11316 Reisterstown Rd
Owings Mills, MD 21117
(410) 654-0066

Legend has it that there exists a place where no man dares to go. Only blind fools and weary travelers venture into the darken spaces of their inner walls. Unfortunately, on Wednesday I fell victim to one of these places. I'd like to think of myself as the weary traveler.

On Wednesday I went to the New Town Diner in Owings Mills on Reisterstown Road with two of my friends. You see - I had a coupon. You know the coupon - the scourge of mentally deficient cashiers. But this one seemed straight-forward. If I purchased one meal at the regular price the second meal was free. Sounds simple enough, right?

We arrived at 12:15 and were immediately seated at a booth next to the front window. As we were being seated the hostess and one of the waitresses began to bicker. They didn't try to hide the fact that they were mad at each other. If I'm not mistaken, the waitress cast no shadow. This should have been my first sign.

Another waitress came and took our drink orders quite quickly. Coke, Diet Coke, and ginger ale. She returned in a quick moment and took our orders. My friend requested the egg salad sandwich on a Kaiser roll, I got the open-faced ham and Swiss sandwich with fries, and my other friend got an Italian hogie and an order of fries.

My hogie friend quickly realized that his ginger ale was flat. The waitress took it and replaced it with Sprite. At this time I begin to scout out the restaurant. There are not many people there. Perhaps 6 tables are occupied out of the 20 or so. I recall that the diner used to be a lot more crowded for lunch.

Our conversation is animated as we discuss our plans for Black Friday shopping. IPods and plasma screen TV's for one, digital gadgets for the other, and pretty much nothing for me since I can no longer afford to purchase anything beyond food and gas.

15 minutes have now passed and we are REALLY hungry. We start looking for the waitress. She has disappeared. 20 minutes have passed. 25 minutes. This is getting ridiculous. Everyone else now seems to have been served. Finally, a little past 30 minutes from arriving our food is finally brought to us. We are famished. It is now 12:45.

My friend begins to eat his egg salad sandwich. He says it's okay. Not bad, but nothing special. Hogie guy likes his sandwich.

I look at my open-faced sandwich. It's a foot long toasted sub roll with 3 slices of deli ham and a slice of cheese. Are you kidding me? The bread has been toasted to the point where it has no moisture and is like eating an over-sized Saltine cracker. After 3 bites I surrender 2/3 the bread and put the whopping 3 slices of ham on what would be the size of a dinner roll. My fries? I think they were cooked in yesterday morning's sausage grease. They are an orange-ish-brown color and lack something called flavor, unless you consider burnt fat a flavor. But I'm so darn hungry that it doesn't matter.

Plus - there's that rule - never send any food back. You know they're going to take a dump on it or something. So I complacently ate my giant saltine and ham and cheese.

Since we had about 5 minutes left for our lunch break we practically had to swallow our food and run out. I presented the coupon to the cashier. He was an older man. He read it and said, "I'll have to get someone else to take care of this." What? Is this something new?

I glance around the counter and there are signs everywhere about using said coupon. So obviously this is not a new coupon. I even noticed a sign that says, "Give us your buissness card and you can win a free meal." You read that correctly. Buissness. How do you stay in buissness when you can't spell business? I really wanted to give them the buissness.

Another cashier comes and reads the coupon. She reads it over and over. "I guess one of the meals is free?" she asks. "Yeah, I guess so." I'll give you one guess as to why she's not a rocket scientist.

So - overall - the atmosphere of the restaurant - gloomy. A lot of unprofessional hand-written signs on the wall. With misspellings. The service - the waitress was really nice, but the wait time was totally unacceptable. The food - my friends said their food was fine, but they are not writing this blog , so I'll say the food was abysmal. For $9 I got 3 slices of ham and a slice of cheese on an over-toasted foot-long sub roll. Who wants that? I sure don't.

I would not recommend this restaurant to anyone. Avoid this place at all costs. It's a waste of your money, a waste of your time, and a slap in the face of your intelligence. The best thing that could happen to this place is a meteor shower hits it in the middle of the night and totally destroys it and the employees find jobs outside of customer service. Grade - F.